In this information age, it's a little challenging to sift through all the opinions and ideas constantly popping up online.

"This diet is better than that one. Oh wait, no it's not."

"Exercise isn't as good for us as we thought. Oh, wait. YES IT IS."

"Drink more wine. Wait... DON'T drink more wine."

The rise of social media has enabled communication on a scale never before seen.  And, while we'd like to think it's made us all smarter, in reality, we're still generally just as confused as we were before, if not more so.

Good news, though.

Behind all that noise and chatter, the principles of happiness and health remain constant and true.

Healing — true healing — always involves change. Whether you are trying to recover from a cold or a long-term chronic issue, you have to do something different to support the body’s restorative mechanisms and promote healing.

Just as we must take responsibility for ourselves and change something when we want to heal, we also must acknowledge that same responsibility is in effect when we become ill. There’s something we’re doing that is weakening our body and/or mind that allows dis-ease to take root. If we’re not honest with ourselves about this fact, healing becomes difficult if not impossible.

Whether it’s poor eating habits, lack of rest, overcommitment, or a sedentary lifestyle — or one of many, many other possibilities — our habits are the foundation out of which emerges either more life and vitality or depletion of vital resources and resulting fatigue and dis-ease.

So here are three things you can do to declare independence from habits that deplete your vitality and make you more susceptible to everything from colds and flus to mood problems to potentially serious chronic diseases.

Step One: Be Kind to Yourself

One of the most destructive habits we can engage in, and one that in my opinion is at the root of just about all chronic disease, is overindulging in self-criticism, shame, and guilt.

In my 14 years in practice, dealing with a lot of deeply emotional conditions like infertility, miscarriage, depression, anxiety, and autoimmune disease (among others), nothing has stood out to me more than how good we can become at beating ourselves up. And, I’ve witnessed firsthand not only how destructive this can be, but how liberating and healing it is when self-criticism, shame, and guilt are replaced with self-forgiveness, kindness, and unconditional love.

There’s reason this is the first step in this article — it’s absolutely fundamental to everything. Nothing really works without a serious commitment to be kind, gentle, and merciful towards yourself. You won’t be perfect at this, nobody ever is. But, begin this practice as soon as possible, i.e. RIGHT NOW.

Whenever you catch yourself being mean, disparaging, or angry (or directing any other negative emotion) towards yourself, stop right there. Take a few deep, gentle breaths, and shift that energy towards kindness and mercy. You can even repeat the words “I love myself completely, I refuse to be mean to myself…” or some other phrase that helps you break the thought stream and redirect your mind in a positive direction.

Do this, and do it often. Even if it seems like it’s not working at first, keep doing it. Eventually that part of yourself that is mean to you will start to become less dominant, and you will start to get a taste of the freedom that comes with self-directed loving-kindness.

Step Two: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

It’s easy to get caught up in thinking about what other people have or do or represent and turn that back on yourself as comparison. All this does is disperse your energy and deplete it.  Give the social media a rest - you know they don't have that picture perfect life they want you to think they have.

Whenever you catch yourself thinking about what’s going on somewhere else, or wondering why so-and-so has X and you have Y — again — stop right there. Every second you spend in that place you are depleting your own vital resources. Redirect your mind to the present moment, and make YOUR domain the most healing, positive, loving place you possibly can.

You won’t be perfect at this. And, you’ll still have many, many moments where you find yourself wondering, ruminating, getting lost in thought. Go back to step one, and remember, be kind and gentle towards yourself, and let it go. Bring yourself back to this moment, and get to work focusing your energies on YOUR life, YOUR process… On being YOURSELF.

Step Three: Learn to Say “No”

Many of us are taught growing up to be giving, to be self-deprecating, to go out of our way to make others comfortable. In social situations, this is called “graciousness”. But in the world of healing, doing this to excess becomes destructive.

You need “YOU” time. Time to reflect, recuperate, regenerate. If you are continually taking care of the needs of others, you are like a tap that never turns off. The water just keeps flowing and flowing out of the tank, and the tank eventually runs dry.

When the tank runs dry, you may start to resent the people you are trying to please or take care of. That’s not because they did anything to you.  It’s because you haven’t given yourself enough respect to say “no” and claim some space.

That energy, continually moving outward to serve others, gets out of balance and actually creates the opposite effect. Now, you are exhausted and frustrated, and your ability to be there for others is diminished.

This is a perfect illustration of the principle of Yin and Yang. In Chinese Medicine, we say that anytime something becomes too excessively Yang, it will transform to Yin, and vice versa. If you are excessively doing, doing, doing (which is a Yang state of continual movement and activity), you eventually wear out and — whether you like it or not — Yin takes over and you have to stop, you are exhausted. The opposite is also true. Being withdrawn and isolated all the time (a Yin state) will lead to agitation, restlessness, and even aggressiveness (a Yang state).

If you are feeling tired and depleted, by all means, claim some extra time and rest. Be alone. Say “no” to that social engagement you would usually agree to attend. Say “no” when that coworker asks a favour of you like working overtime to help them. Say “no” to the next thing that makes you feel like you might be over-committing yourself. Say “no” to staying up until 1am watching that TV show instead of going to bed early and resting.

By claiming that time and space for yourself, to rest and recuperate, you’ll be gathering your energies towards your own centre, where they are then directed towards restorative, regenerative processes.

Conclusion

Follow these three steps, and you’ll find an ever-increasing sense of vitality, inspiration, and creativity. These are the keys to living a full, healthy, vibrant life and overcoming any situation of dis-ease