9 Worst Habits

“We first make our habits, then our habits make us.” ~John Dryden

This may look good, sound good, and maybe even feel good at first, but it’s not serving you well in the end!

I’d hear this thought in my head over and over and still not believe it. But it had persisted ever since I started questioning the status quo in my life. And I don’t mean a loud, in-your-face, obnoxious line of questioning, but rather, a gentle curious whisper that asks: Well, why does it have to be this way, if I may ask?

Questioning the status quo is not a novelty in our modern society, but here’s the thing: I was questioning the good stuff, like great habits that I grew up with and ideals that are the foundation of my value system.

In a sad way, the thought made sense. Every time I’d finish going through the motions of one of my “great habits,” I’d feel drained, in a funk, out of sorts, exhausted, but not in an accomplished kind of way.

So I started adjusting my autopilot habits and I’m already feeling a shift toward serenity. I suppose this is the counter-intuitive inner work that makes self-discovery so much fun, right?

So, ready to question some of your great habits too? Check to see if you fall in the trap of a great habit that may not be serving you.

1. The habit of working hard at the exclusion of all else.

Most of us are hard workers and we identify a sense of pride with it too. It’s how we were brought up; it’s what society expects and rewards.

Just beware the trap of hard work, especially if you’re using it as a Band-Aid on something that hasn’t given you results, such as working even harder to get ahead at work or to please someone in a relationship.

What to do instead: Pause long enough to examine the big picture and the situation at hand, and question your current approach. Is more work going really to give you the results you need?

2. The habit of taking care of everyone and everything else first.

I watched my mother make a lot of sacrifices for us over the years, but even as a kid I could see that a lot of them were at the expense of her own livelihood. While everyone around her was grateful, she did not need to go that far. She could be self-nurturing and caring to the rest of her family.

You may be a loving mother (or father or sibling), caring and giving, but to a fault.

You take care of everyone and everything else—even the laundry and the dishes!—before taking care of yourself. Sometimes at the expense of it. You’re sacrificing your own well-being because you don’t want to seem selfish.

What to do instead: Know that sacrifice does not earn the respect or gratitude of others. Being a good role model does. Take care of yourself so you’re strong and healthy for the important people in your life. It’s not selfish. It’s self-nurturing, it’s necessary, and you’re allowed.

3. The habit of listening to everyone’s problems without boundaries.

Listening is a gift, and if a friend needs to be heard, if a parent needs to voice concerns, if a spouse needs to vent about work, if a co-worker needs to complain, who better than a great listener?

Just watch out because being the bank where everyone deposits their complaints, outrage, sorrow, and pity can have its negative consequences and take its toll on you.

What to do instead: Listen enough to hear the initial problem, then gently move the conversation toward finding solutions, being optimistic, and focusing on the positive. If they still need a professional therapist, remember: it’s not your job to be one!

4. The habit of responding to every call to attention—email, phone, text—right away.

It’s wonderful to be responsive. I love responsive people, and I do my absolute best to get back to people. But this constant distraction can ruin your focus, disrupt your routine, and cause problems when running a business.

What to do instead: Be more stingy with your time and set aside dedicated slots to respond to texts, emails, and phone calls. Unless it’s an emergency, it can wait. Because this one’s deeply ingrained, train yourself little by little to master this one.

5. The habit of offering your expertise, products, or services free or cheap to friends and family.

Whatever side of the situation you may be on—giving or receiving the deed—going too far can have an adverse short- or long-term effect on the relationship.

What to do instead: Set clear boundaries; give and ask for respect in this regard. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to offer your services or products at a discount or free just because people are related to you. It makes you a professional, that’s all.

6. The habit of getting straight A’s in every class in your life.

Ah, the A student dilemma! Every culture and society praises the A student and frowns on the C student.

What to do instead: Decide first if you even want to go to university or college. Then define your own measure of success and stick to it. Learning and applying the knowledge is way more important than the final grade from your teacher so focus on that.

7. The habit of doing everything for your kids or students or elderly parents.

Do you do everything for others instead of showing them how to do it? Sometimes people need help, but if you condition them to having you do it all the time, they never become self-sufficient. You do them and yourself a disservice.

What to do instead: Before doing the next task for the person you’re helping, ask them if they’d like to learn how to do it. Start teaching and showing more and doing less.

8. The habit of pleasing others at the expense of your own dreams and desires.

We are conditioned to say ‘yes’ to please our family and loved ones. This can be detrimental to your happiness if you happen to want something else.

What to do instead: Be true to yourself. You can still be kind and gentle toward others, but you get one life, and your dreams and desires are your business, and they deserve your best shot.

9. The habit of spending hours on social media

Are you watching the news every night? Scrolling social media every chance you get? The media is a great way to gather information. But it could also be contributing to some dissatisfaction and unhappiness in your life.

What to do instead: Evaluate your media habits and cut out anything that is affecting your mood. Not convinced it’ll make that much of a difference? Try cutting back to one hour of media use a day and see how you feel. Experiment with it until you find a good balance for yourself.

Take some time to consider how many of these 8 habits have been derailing your happiness. It is worth making the effort to whittle them down for your own sake and your family’s sake. Be the best version of yourself!